The Rules of Attraction
by PompeyMagnus
Summary: Pure AsukaShinji romance and adventure from the mind of The Evincar, starting on Asuka's arrival.


Haaaaay guyzzz! XD :-)

Dis izzz KawaiiAngelGurl! And ive got my newwwwest fanfic story here, I was fellin all waffy and kawaaaaiii today, and I totttally wanted to make a story about Sinji and Asuka! THEY'RE SOOO CUTE! LOLOL, im such a freak. :p

Right Rei-chan?

Rei: lololol

Me: huggles Rei

Asuka: I'M MAD!

Shinji: Oh noes!

Me: lololol

Rei: ;-)

Letsss go!

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Shinji was walking down the street and into his house, thinking about all the really bad stuff his dad did, like being a total freak and stuff, and he was totally feeling sad and listening to his FAVORITE BAND EVER, GREENDAY, BECAUSE THEY'RE SOOO COOOOL!

He was like, totally rocking out (lol), and then he went into his house and saw Asuka, and Asuka was blushing and sooo cute, and Shinji was like

"Asuka…"

And Asuka blushed and was like

"What do you wan, baka?" (LOLOL, I know Japanese. Dat means idiot. :p)

And Shinji was all depressed, and he was like

"CUT MYSELF INTO PIECES THIS IS MY LAST RESORT SUFFOCATION NO BREATHING"

And he tried to cut himself like really bad

And Asuka was like

"NO! DON'T DO IT BAKA!"

And they hugged and it was soooooo kawaii! -

And den like, Asuka was like

"I love you Shinji, my mother killed herself and objectified me as a doll, and my dad abandoned me."

And Shinji was like

"ohmigod, me too Asuka, my dad's reaaaallly mean! And my mom's dead" ( cry Dats sooo sad)

And then they like, totaaaaally KISS!

They kiss for like, two hours, and then they like, go to sleep.

But then Asuka's like, "Cann I sleep in your bed Shinji"

And Shinji was like "OMIGOD! BLUSH!"

And Asuka was like, "Not like that, hentaii!" (Dat's Japanese. lol)

And Shinji was like, "Oh, lol, my bad. But wut will Misato think!"

And Asuka was like, "lol, time for sleeeepy my love."

And they sleapt in the same bed. It was sooo cute.

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Hope ya guyz TOTALLY LOVED IT! THEY'RE SOO CUTE!

Next chapter, uh no, theres a new guy pilot from America, and his name is Mike,a nd hes really cool. Could Shinji be jealous of him and asuaka! 

Bay guyz, give me 300 reviews.

* * *

**Laguna Beach, California**

The young man woke up in cold sweat, the nightmare fresh in his mind.

"OH GOD! It's only an omake! It's only an OMAKE!"

The Evincar sprang up from bed, wiping the sweat off his brow and slowly rising from his uber comfy bed, to stumble into a bathroom full of death and toilets.

It was then, in the large mirror, that he noticed the insignia tattooed all over his body.

Small, but noticeable, drawn in what seemed to be some kind of divine Sharpie, was the smiley ":p" all over his bare skin.

Needless to say, his scream lasted for more than a few hours.

When he sprang to, his eyes darted over the horrible markings on his body, and he shuddered.

Who had done it! Mexicans! Robots! Bob Dole! Who!

"WHY GOD! WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME!"

"You know, I'm right here you know."

The Evincar turned and looked outside his bathroom, and but of course, there was Jesus decked out in all his purple lacy fin-wait, purple lace! What the-

"What the hell? You're not Jesus!"

Fanfiction Jesus shrugged.

"I'm Fanfiction Jesus, one of many Jesi, including Caveman Jesus, Astronaut Jesus, and Pirate Jesus, but this is beside the point. Clearly you have no idea where this fanfic is going!"

The Evincar shuddered.

"Who cares! Look at these weird little Japanese girl smilies all over my body! For the love of god, what will my girlfriend say!"

"Girlfriend?"

"Alright, point taken. Now tell me, what in the hell is going on?"

Fanfiction Jesus grinned.

"I've come, to show you the wrongness…of your ways. Your path of fanfiction is in sin, my fanfic child. You alienate your audience and readers!"

"Readers?"

"Alright, point taken, but nonetheless, it's true! You're always coming out with a fanfic every second! And half of those are garbled nonsense involving monkeys and…"

"And Mexicans! I can't help it, dammit! It's my passion, my art, my Eva!"

"Well, if you want to get rid of those kawaaaaiii, little tongue-out smileys, you're going to have to play by my rules now. I want you to make something that the people will like for once! Enough insanity, it's not cool! Look at your notes for coming fanfics! EoE comedy! More angst! At least finish what you've started, you can't make ten new fanfics and ignore your last twenty unfinished ones!"

The Evincar sighed.

"What do you want from me! A Hikari/Shinji fic! No, don't tell me, Ritsuko/Shinji? Give me a damn break."

Fanfiction Jesus smirked.

"I said something the people would enjoy. I want the purest Asuka/Shinji romance ever conceived."

"AAAAAAAAAGH! No! For the love of…you, for the love of…dammit! You can't do this to me! What of my credibility!"

"Credibility?"

"Alright, point taken…"

"Exactly, do it or you'll never be rid of these tattoos! And I'll turn you into what you fear most, KawaiiAngelGurl! You'll churn out Linkin Park songfics, and write about your feelings in hard to read spelling errors! And you'll do really stupid things called 'drabbles' and get hundreds of reviews! HAH!"

"NOOOOOO! Alright! Alright, I'll…I'll do it…So…It's like this…Shinji Ikari-"

* * *

Shinji Ikari sighed as he stood on the ship's deck, feeling the breeze on his back, much like when he had been hiking through the wilderness on his 'little vacation' as Misato had so gingerly called it. 

_A Second Child? Why? Aren't we enough?_

The mustachioed captain of the ship sighed, adjusting his Mighty Man Mustache and shaking his head as he watched Shinji and his friends.

"What the hell! This isn't some playgrounds to bring little kids too! What's she thinking!"

His weakly mustachioed officers could only shrug, going back to their duties.

Misato peered over absentmindedly at Shinji standing silently and frowned.

The Third Child had been improving, that was without doubt, but there were still, brooding, lonely moments in those cerulean eyes, it made him unpredictable and even perhaps a bit unreliable.

_That's why we need Asuka…_

Misato sighed, smiling at Shinji.

"Aren't you excited to meet your new comrade, Shinji?"

Shinji only shrugged, showing the same apathy that plagued him, even though his friends Touji and Kensuke were cavorting off close by.

He put on a rather unconvincing half smile.

"I guess so, as long as he's pleasant."

Misato raised an eyebrow.

"He? Don't they tell you anything Shinji? He's a she!"

Shinji blushed.

"T-They have that sort of surgery now!"

Misato sighed.

"No, your new pilot comrade, the Second Child, is a _girl_, Asuk-"

"Asuka Langley Sohryu! It's been a long time Misato."

"Hi Asuka."

Misato replied with a quiet sigh, turning to face what she knew was the red-haired girl, but the lean, smirking man behind her was even more of an unwelcome startle.

_Kaji!_

"What the hell are you doing here!"

"Mr. Kaji's my escort and guardian"

Asuka replied, beaming as Kaji tried to wrench his arm free from her Lover's Death Grasp.

Shinji sighed as Touji and Kensuke sidled up along side him, Touji clearly staring at Asuka's dress fluttering in the wind exposing her long delicate legs.

"Ay Shinji, who's dis skoyt?"

"Wow, she's hot, eh Touji?"

Shinji only sighed once more and then stiffened abruptly as the Second Child strode in determination towards the Three Stooges, leaving Kaji to laugh and Misato to bicker.

Shinji almost shuddered, a cold clammy feeling on his inside.

This girl was odd, he knew she was trouble from the very beginning, from the determined look in her eyes; she almost seemed like a predator…

_Shark…shark eyes…_

Asuka smirked dramatically and then yawned in faux boredom.

"So where's the Third Child huh? Which one of these wimps is he? He is supposed to be so amazing for defeating the Third and Fourth angels all by himself. Hmph, dumpkoff! Child's play."

She snorted as she eyed Touji warily.

"Hmm, too stupid-looking."

"Hey, who you callin-."

But by then she'd already shifted over to Kensuke.

"Eh, too nerdy."

Kensuke sighed in nerdgasm

_Oh, to have such a hot babe bossing me around all the time…Wow…_

Finally her eyes shifted in contemplation on Shinji Ikari, and she frowned, though any judgement she was ready to pass was interrupted by Touji, who was fuming, a vein bulging comically (and possibly an early warning sign of juvenile diabetes. ) in the center of his forehead.

He roughly grabbed her shoulder. A big mistake.

"Ay! Who youse think you are, callin me stupid!"

Touji fell to the ground, stunned from the swiftly delivered hand to cheek connection, Asuka snorting.

"Hands off perv. And I said _stupid-looking._"

She whirled back to the Third Child, eyeing him warily as Shinji stumbled backwards.

_Oh great…She's insane…Why can't they just pick normal pilots! Or adults!_

Asuka smirked.

"Feh, figures, the Third Child's a coward after all."

She grinned triumphantly, Misato and Kaji still in World War III behind them, Asuka sticking out her hand patronizingly to shake.

"I'm Asuka Langley Sohryu, and I've been trained to the fullest in all Evangelion combat. I'm the Second Child!"

Shinji warily took her hand, peering at her as the connection of flesh made him stiffen.

He remembered the last time he'd touched another pilot…His hand on Rei's…so wrong…he couldn't believe it…so embarrassing…staring into her eyes…And these shark eyes now, they seemed so determined and full of vigor, something he had never possessed.

"Done staring, pervert!"

He realized he'd been absentmindedly holding onto her hand, blushing furiously and then stammering an apology as he released the handshake and abruptly turned around just as Asuka noticed Kaji again, her voice light as if she'd just seen him for the first time.  
"Ohhh Mr. Kaji!"

Shinji sighed, shaking his head at the drooling Kensuke and groaning Touji, hoping he could find some dark nice corner where he could just relax and play his SDAT. Ah, wouldn't that be peac-

"Ikari's living with you then huh?"

Misato groaned.

"Since when is that your business!"

"Yeah, let's stop talking about that boooring Third Child!"

Kaji smiled at Asuka.

"Is that what you think, Asuka? But without training, in actual combat his synchro-rate still easily exceeds 40"

Asuka frowned and Shinji felt himself inevitably being pulled out into the conflict, though he still remained silent and distant.

"That can't be true Mr. Kaji. It's unbelievable! A lie. "

Touji slapped Shinji on the back, rubbing his cheek.

"Man, whatta violent girl, ay Shin-man? Whatdya do to deserve-urgh"

Touji grunted as Asuka roughly pushed him away, eyeing Shinji Ikari and only Shinji Ikari, with her scrutinizing blue glare, part anger, jealousy, and contempt.

"Third Child! You're coming with me!"

Shinji sighed as Asuka grabbed him by the hand, slowly but inevitably taking him where she wished to take him, apparently down the stairs into some holding area.

Then he saw it, towering over them, another Evangelion! But what was most astonishing, to him at least, was the gaudy crimson.

Shinji raised an eyebrow and spoke quietly as Asuka finally released the stiff grip on his hand.

"Hmm, Unit Two is red. I didn't expect that."

Asuka snorted.

"Is that all you can say! That's not the only difference. After all, Units Zero and One are prototypes, test models in the development process. The fact that it synchronized with you, an untrained boy, is good proof of that. However, Unit Two is not the same. This is a true Evangelion, the first on Earth built for actual combat, the final model."

Shinji just remained silent, not sure if he should retort, ignore, or just…well, there weren't many options, this new girl seemed quite unpleasant, no matter how ravishingly beautiful.

He thought of Rei, frowning as he imagined the contrast between her and this new girl, peering into those shark eyes so clouded and mysterious, shaking, shaking, shaking.

The very ground below them shook, and Shinji gasped, stumbling backwards and broken out of his mesmerized state.

"W-What was that?"

A familiar klaxon shook the ship, and Shinji's eyes grew nervous.

Asuka peered about quickly, her eyes serious.

"A shock wave…Maybe an explosion!"

"Wha…An angel?"

Asuka's eyes widened.

"No...a real angel!"

Shinji spun about, not liking the new, determined, almost mad look in her eyes as she spoke this possibility, hoping to make it back up to Misato to find out what was going on, before-

Oh dear, that delicate hand of steel on his hands once more, a firm current of warmth against his skin, and a sure sign of horrible things in the near future.

Asuka smiled triumphantly, half dragging him away.

"Now's my chance!"

Shinji could only wonder passively, at what he'd done to deserve this, and what sort of creature this Asuka Langley Sohryu was exactly.

* * *

Author's Note:

Just…don't ask…Read and review, and prepare for the next chapter. Heheheh.

This is my attempt at the Ultimate Shinji/Asuka fanfic.

Not necessarily the best one, obviously, but I consider myself (pathetically enough) a student of the Asuka/Shinji form after reading basically every A/S fic on earth. 

So, don't worry if you might've found this first chapter too short or too weird, this'll be developing into a long, long series of A/S adventures. 

And as for my other fanfics, don't worry, I'll update soon, I just get preoccupied. 

Until Chapter Two, later.


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